Being liked

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An awful lot of people have their mission in life to be liked (mostly genuinely and less sexually). There are more women than men and they are more likely to be young than old. This is neither misogyny nor ageism, just statistics.

The common misunderstanding of being liked is that is a skill. There are books about it, you can study it, you can train into it, you can develop it, and finally, you graduate as a master in it. Sure, there are some tricks you may acquire which will help you not to be disliked by the most. The main thing you need to understand is that to be liked is a side effect of having a personality, an individuality, have something to say. You cannot develop or acquire a side effect because it would be a fake one. It is akin to being happy, which is a side effect of your lifestyle, and general satisfaction (expectations vs reality). You can take drugs, you can brainwash yourself (or with somebody’s help) but the results will be short-lived and of poor quality.

I am not against communication skills. They overlap with the tricks mentioned earlier. Here are some of them which may either help to deceive or outwit someone or simply to be civil:

* mirroring someone’s behaviour (gestures, posture). * eye contact about 70-80% of the time, more will be unnatural (or creepy), less – you will look disengaged. * go for a laugh, every time… * engage in a conversation, ask a lot of questions. * agree in principle, provide some new argument in favour of your opponent’s thesis, or give some new context where the said thesis is applicable. * be a good listener and admit it, you don’t know everything.

In the end, everything is up to you (deceiving or being civil). The means are neither moral nor immoral, the intent we use them for is.

Categories human condition


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